The embedded patriarchy in arranged marriages

One critic calls it “this year’s scariest horror show about arranged marriages”. And on social media, there’s a raging storm over sexism, casteism, colourism and different isms.

As Netflix’s eight-episode actuality present, Indian Matchmaking (IM) kicks off, the dialog concerning the enterprise of organized marriages has gathered tempo.

IM doesn’t declare a reformist cloak. Executive producer Smriti Mundhra calls it an “unscripted, fun, crazy, light look on the surface of the Indian marriage industrial complex.” It’s an business that locations a premium on ladies who’re honest, tall, “slim-trim”, and, above all, “flexible”. Families should be “respectable”. After all, alliances will not be between people, however households. One keen mum tells her son she’s on the lookout for “someone to take care of you”. The son, no shock, is on the lookout for somebody like mummy.

And but, IM underplays the seedier underbelly of the wedding market. Dowry, as an illustration, is excised from the present. And non-conforming shoppers embody a single mother in addition to a Catholic man who says he’s open to assembly ladies from different religions. In one case, the match-maker introduces a girl who’s seven years older than her potential groom.

Reality is much grimmer. Arranged or in any other case, marriage in trendy India continues to be sure by inflexible social-economic-caste buildings. The National Family Health Survey, 2015-16 discovered lower than 13% of respondents had inter-caste marriages (simply 2.6% for inter-religious). When younger individuals train company and insurgent in opposition to household, caste and faith, the end result generally is a so-called honour killing — 251 in 2015. As caste-based societies modernise, there’s larger wealth dispersion and this results in dowries going up, finds one other 2003 examine. Ergo, the pull-no-stops massive fats Indian marriage ceremony.

But whereas marriage stays an inevitable purpose in most societies and positively in our personal, a brand new era of Indian ladies is altering the principles.

An on-line survey of 10,005 respondents throughout 184 cities and cities by YouGuv-Mint-CPR discovered {that a} majority of ladies (68%) wish to marry, however practically two of three need love marriages. Some 61% stated the perfect marriage age is between 26 and 30 and solely 9 per cent wished three or extra kids. The examine ties in with India’s largest survey of teenage women. In 2018, 74,000 teenage women throughout 600 districts have been requested about their aspirations: 70% wished to pursue larger research and 73% wished to marry after 21, after they acquired jobs, discovered Naandi Foundation which carried out the survey.

Perhaps it’s not a coincidence then that IM’s strongest characters are ladies: The 34-year-old lawyer from Houston unafraid of voicing her sturdy opinions, the self-made Delhi-based entrepreneur, and the sunny Guyanese marriage ceremony planner. IM is regressive, however no more than the patriarchy that governs the principles of marriage. “Spending time with myself is what I enjoy the most,” realises the Delhi entrepreneur. There is a fortunately ever after, even when it’s not the best way society, or match-makers, may think.

Namita Bhandare writes on gender

The views expressed are private